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the end is near - October 14, 2004 � � |
receding
March 21, 2003 - 12:01 am I can finally see the back yard. Actually it was a couple of days ago. Up until then it was a harmful radiation-like white covering it two feet up. thanks to some balmy temps. most of it is gone from around the city. but there is that crusty black snow that just won�t go away. and the various remnants of salt, dirt, particles and garbage left behind from the melting snow. disgusting. ok, back yard, there is a small amount of snow left, right at the very back. it looks like someone pulled out the �snow blanket� and is slowly dragging it away. well keep on dragging it out of here, i never want to see it again. and it is nice to see some colour instead of being monochromatic. today(as of now) is the vernal equinox. spring! and we have endured a hellish winter so we are allowed to rejoice. i have been counting down the days since before winter. yeah, i am a freak, and i wish i could somehow skip winter but i had no fun at all counting down the days from 91. i think it means more the further north you are. i mean here north of the 49th parallel, i think we appreciate spring, say more than someone from texas. even though the south did get a blast of what we get every damn day! right now i don�t mind the rain or the 10C temps. if it lasts much longer than three weeks, well i�ll have a problem then. and i can�t wait for everything to peek out, as if to say, is it alright to come out? is winter gone? and it creeps along until one day you don�t even realize and everythings that fluorescent green. i�ll let you know when that day comes. now, onto yours truly and my visit to my old doctor. yeah, it took a very wise woman to convince me that it�s about time to get some serious help. my girlfriend of course. and because she cares about me like no one else. things got way out of hand with my brain last weekend and it was the breaking point for her and me. i�ve finally accepted that i have depression and that i�ve had it for longer than i care to mention. and we�ve talked about a lot over the last three days and i hope we can still talk about other things that may have been left out of our conversations. i think some crazy things sometimes when i�m by myself. that�s another part of my problem. but i hope to remedy that too. so the bottom line is that i�m taking the first step to getting professional help. i�m on anti-depressants and in a couple of weeks begin to see a therapist. i�ve never sought out help like this so it will be a new chapter for me. i feel a whole lot better today. i hope to feel even better tomorrow. my depression is not going to go away overnight, but it will be easier to control. i owe everything i�ve accomplished to my girl right now. that and my love for her, has helped me see that there are still better days ahead.
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