My friend terry didn�t end up coming down here after all. I guess something came up. I think maybe all of my friends have been pretty busy lately. I would go up and visit except I�ll never ever get back into the states.

Today is courtney�s and my anniversary. It�s the first time we met in person. Two years ago at my front door august 2nd. I�ll never forget how beautiful and happy she looked that moment. Even after a five hour drive that seems never ending. Yeah that memory is burned into my brain. We did have a great day and a fantastic weekend. It was fun. And that weekend changed both of our lives. Although now we are married and trying to get both of our lives going , financially and emotionally, I�d like to think we still have fun, just not the same way , as our first few �dates� together. We might have done things the hard way but we are still sticking by each other. At least I hope I am. It�s often hard for me to try and tell court every small thing on my mind. I�m not used to do doing that. I know I have to work harder than I�ve ever worked for anything in my life to do everything I can for her. Sometimes I look at myself and I don�t see that happening. I am sad when that happens. I am very committed to our future and relationship. I have plans and things but I just don�t share them and that�s one of the things we talked about today. We had a talk to straighten me out again

I have to be straightened out once every three weeks. I have this huge monkey on my back right now, that�s crushing me pretty hard. I�m trying to deal with everyone who�s pounding down my door for money. Trying to get a decent job. And making sure court is happy and cared for. I just need more time to save everyone around me. This is the toughest time I�ve ever had to go through. I�ve got to keep going. I don�t want to let my wife down and I can�t let myself down. I�ve already made some mistakes that I�m paying for. I didn�t mean for this to turn into a self pity rant. I should be enjoying the time I have right now with court and I should be working harder to get out of the mess I�m in. financial mess. But when I think of everything good and bad that�s happened , it happened for a reason. And I know I�m still madly in love with a brilliant gorgeous woman who came up that one civic holiday to meet this weird Canadian boy.

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