the end is near - October 14, 2004
rant of the year - August 20, 2004
many happy hondas(and two people) - August 02, 2004
canadian thing? - July 31, 2004
the pig - a.k.a. "mr. oinkers" - July 09, 2004

diaryland

many happy hondas(and two people)
August 02, 2004 - 1:44 pm

Thereís only one reason I wish I was back up north todayÖlong weekend! I know itís pretty much over but happy civic holiday to selected provinces up in Canadaland. I guess every long weekend brings some kind of cottage or camping memory. Particularly Algonquin park. My all time favourite. *sigh*

My friend terry didnít end up coming down here after all. I guess something came up. I think maybe all of my friends have been pretty busy lately. I would go up and visit except Iíll never ever get back into the states.

Today is courtneyís and my anniversary. Itís the first time we met in person. Two years ago at my front door august 2nd. Iíll never forget how beautiful and happy she looked that moment. Even after a five hour drive that seems never ending. Yeah that memory is burned into my brain. We did have a great day and a fantastic weekend. It was fun. And that weekend changed both of our lives. Although now we are married and trying to get both of our lives going , financially and emotionally, Iíd like to think we still have fun, just not the same way , as our first few ďdatesĒ together. We might have done things the hard way but we are still sticking by each other. At least I hope I am. Itís often hard for me to try and tell court every small thing on my mind. Iím not used to do doing that. I know I have to work harder than Iíve ever worked for anything in my life to do everything I can for her. Sometimes I look at myself and I donít see that happening. I am sad when that happens. I am very committed to our future and relationship. I have plans and things but I just donít share them and thatís one of the things we talked about today. We had a talk to straighten me out again

I have to be straightened out once every three weeks. I have this huge monkey on my back right now, thatís crushing me pretty hard. Iím trying to deal with everyone whoís pounding down my door for money. Trying to get a decent job. And making sure court is happy and cared for. I just need more time to save everyone around me. This is the toughest time Iíve ever had to go through. Iíve got to keep going. I donít want to let my wife down and I canít let myself down. Iíve already made some mistakes that Iím paying for. I didnít mean for this to turn into a self pity rant. I should be enjoying the time I have right now with court and I should be working harder to get out of the mess Iím in. financial mess. But when I think of everything good and bad thatís happened , it happened for a reason. And I know Iím still madly in love with a brilliant gorgeous woman who came up that one civic holiday to meet this weird Canadian boy.

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