so, yes another weekend where i have accomplished absolutely nothing. i have just been. nothing to contibute. waiting for something to happen. that's my problem, i expect it. i am hating life more and more each day. this self-imposed isolation is just beginning. but i know i am already wanting to get out of here. i can't do it. i don't look forward to much. work is just there. all of the things i had hoped to accomplish are far out of reach. my optimism is declining. what it was even a few months ago was at least something. i will eventually do something rash. that i am looking forward to. i have no one to talk to , and even when i do. i can't.

fuck, none of this makes sense. i can't deal with anything. the phone keeps ringing and i just want to rip it out of the fucking wall. i have let everyone down. i will write that down.

everything that is going on in the world depresses me. war is inevitable. may god have mercy on all of our souls.

now we wait to watch it all on t.v.

it sucks. i remember always having a fear of a nuclear attack, you know end of exsistence, when i was growing up. now it's front and centre. in way i hope it does happen. and if it did i'd just go for a drive somewhere find an underground garage and just leave the engine running. this world is just a foating ball of garbage anyway.

i just can't take it anymore. that's what being alone does to you. that's what happens when your friends just stop phoning. good, i deserve it.

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