the end is near - October 14, 2004
rant of the year - August 20, 2004
many happy hondas(and two people) - August 02, 2004
canadian thing? - July 31, 2004
the pig - a.k.a. "mr. oinkers" - July 09, 2004

diaryland

happy birthday
July 01, 2004 - 10:15 am

this is the first time i have ever spent july 1st. out of the country. i feel a little un-canadian today. and i know i'm missing out on the hoopla back home. whether it's just hanging out in hamtown, or turkey point or algonquin, it might not seem like your missing out on much. and lately it just seems that i'm not "free" which is the point of canada and the u.s. first i was banned from the states, now(until i get my green card) i am banned from going to ontario. but i'm not crying about this just pining a bit. and i'm doing this for my love of one woman. and of course our future. sometimes when you are forbidden to do something it makes that feeling all the more stronger. if i was allowed into canada(and subsequently back in the states) i probably wouldn't care.

memories help too. so today, in between some of the things i must get done, i will fondly remember past dominion days. so to a great country who is 137 years young today, happy birthday. and for closing the door on british rule. i just wish we could get the damn queen off of our money.

i am still looking for work. being unemployed really sucks. and when i really think about it, i get super depressed. a few things keep me going. of course court is a major supporter in this low period. i don't know what i would do without her. i owe it to her not to quit, to try and keep going when i have nothing. actually everyone has been as supportive and helpful as they can be. my bills are piling up. i've never been delinquint before but now it's pretty much on top of me. somehow i'll get it under control, it just doesn't seem possible. i don't know if i'll be the third one in my family to declare bankruptcy but it's getting pretty desparate. being out of work and in this panic-like situation is a new one on me. i've been in some tight financial squeezes but none like this. i have realized(especially after last night) for a long time what court sacrifices to keep her and i going. she is one in a million. i am always lucky to have her in my life.

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