the end is near - October 14, 2004
rant of the year - August 20, 2004
many happy hondas(and two people) - August 02, 2004
canadian thing? - July 31, 2004
the pig - a.k.a. "mr. oinkers" - July 09, 2004

diaryland

entry #97
December 10, 2003 - 7:08 pm

today is a better day than the last two. no real tantrums. yesterday i had one at work which consisted of me slamming the classified section of the newspaper to the ground after finding nothing on the job front. (even though i'm not really looking) that was dumb. and then a serious freakout with court while we were on the phone. i ended up breaking it after throwing it for the fourth and final time. another round of fighting and screaming.(me of course) that's what happens when i can't express myself. i explode. i should start another round of therapy. i don't think i can put it off for very long. except i'm in serious limbo here. not knowing exactly when i'll be leaving puts a hold on almost everything. except x-mas, which i was hoping to skip this year. of course x-mas is only geared to the rich, and those who don't have money certainly don't care. maybe i should volunteer on the 25th to dole out turkey. a thought...anyway, i don't know why things between court and i get so damn tense. i wish i could break it somehow, but i'm not about to. so we are held in this angry spell which goes on until i go ballistic and scream into the phone. it's like i'm ten years old all over. i really hate myself for it. it's not fun. the anguish must take months off my life. plus the anguish from the waiting for this visa thing. i'm hoping to go to t.o. to pick up my results. depends on the weather.

court is coming up tomorrow. i am glad she is. it has been too long. plus when we argue it seems like it might be longer. but i'm grateful for the times she is able to make it. i hope she can get all of the time she wanted for the holidays, that will be great.

that said there probably won't be an update until sunday of monday. i've been creeping along to entry #100, and unless i've something to say or in a delightful mood, it'll be weeks. i don't feel like writing when i'm depressed or there's something going on.(good or bad) so when courts up here, forget it. when we're fighting, no entries. i'll just say something stupid like woe is me, i want to die. sounds like the smiths.

thursday is when i get a much needed day off. other than sunday it seems like i've been working a hell of a long time. maybe because i started at 8am today. at least we had a nice lunch today at fortinos. terry had some sub thing and i had a veg soup and a chick/caesar wrap. with bacon! yum! and a brio to wash it all down with. the highlight of my day so far. plus we got to sit around and slack for a good portion of the afternoon.

if you saw that the sign said closed and the lights were turning off, wouldn't you fucking get the hell out of a store as fast as you could? let this be a lesson to anyone else who tries this crap and i have to close. get the fuck out! i've been here since 7:45 and i want to go home. if you want to shop til 10 pm, go to home depot you traitor! you should be shopping for presents anyway, not ceramic tile. geesh!

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